me

…. . .-.. .–. Ex Vita, Scientia! — . ☕ polymath adventurer ☕ human teacher friend ️ .-.. .. …- . .-.-.- geology WX ️butter

Loving Her

I had a heart attack 4 months ago. That is a significant thing. That puts life into perspective because it is a life changing event. You don’t know how long you will live this life. I am trying to live my life to the fullest even more so than I did previous.

I have no regrets. Especially when it comes to my capacity to love. Love is a word and emotion that I don’t take lightly. It is sacred.

I don’t regret falling madly in love with the most amazing woman. I did not plan on it. It just happened. Even though she didn’t love me in return it does not diminish my love of her. When the doctors were taking me away for surgery after my heart attack I wanted to tell her I loved her. I had my sister pass along my sentiments.

Her and I had great times in the past. The brief times of adventure and excitement we shared were the best times of my life by far. I have never been so happy. She made me strive to be a better person. She brought out the best in me. She is the greatest woman in the world in my eyes. That won’t change.

Yes I am gushing.

I can’t just forget this love, nor push it aside. I am being honest. She has left the most wonderful and fulfilling mark on my life, essence and being. I will never forget the love I have for her and I take it with me wherever I go. I will take the love with me to my grave. She was my best friend. I told her everything.

I think back and smile. I remember fondly those funny happy amazing times. So goodly. I hope she enjoyed those times with me. I do, and will always, love her profoundly and deeply. Always. My friend. Always.

end of 2017

I am a rock star despite heart attacks or medical bills or not having many friends or some setbacks in life. I am a great and delightful person and the people in my life should be darn blessed that I am alive and in their life in whatever capacity I am. I am fiercely loyal and have a loving heart. I don’t regret a thing and am proud of the life I have lived. I don’t apologize for being moody or happy or sad or indifferent or being me. I have emotions and am not afraid to show them. If people can’t handle me then so long and goodbye. Life is short and I will live it and be honest. I won’t waste time. I won’t. I will not waste time any longer. See me over there waving? It’s me not wasting time.
graphic by Savannah Levine

Cherish Time. Cherish Life.

Three weeks ago I had a heart attack. I am having a strange time coping with it all. I am super happy to be living. My dad died at 37 of a heart attack and stroke. I am 41. I was lucky.

Lucky to live

Lucky to live

Thanks and much love to friends and family for their support in recovery with lifestyle changes etc. I have very few people that are actively involved in my life. One does a lot of thinking when one is sprawled out, conscious, as doctors put stents in the heart, not knowing my fate. Time slowed and sped up. It was surreal.

Such a experience puts life into a unique perspective that not many people get to have. Maybe it’s and enlightenment of sorts. Maybe it’s a strange peace mixed with primal fear.

Regardless, such an experience is life changing and makes one cherish little things. Like time. Time is short. Life is short. I cherish time with family. Any time, no matter how small. I cherish time with friends. I even cherish work, where I get to make a small difference in youthful lives by setting an example of smart goodness.

Before my heart attack I always used to tell the people in my life how much they meant to me. Now that I have faced a possible death, I plan on cherishing my relationships more than ever. I am a good, smart and unique human with a gaggle of interests and quirks.

I may not have the most ideal of personalities. At times I can be difficult and stubborn. At times I am filled with drama. At times I am emotional. I am just me. I live for a living. I like having experiences and adventures. I like sharing experiences and knowledge with others. I really love sharing experiences with others; be it a meal, a road trip, a movie or a walk in the park. No time spent with others is time wasted in my opinion, no matter how brief.

The heart attack was a experience. It made me think about a whole bunch of things. It is beautiful. It is terrifying. I will not take anything for granted anymore. Who knows how long I have left.

In the meantime I will live. With no regrets. I don’t apologize for being me.